The grand finale of the worldwide Potter film phenomenon is about to conclude.
To recap, I’ve sent myself – a Potter virgin – into the mire, watching parts one through seven in a non-stop movie marathon. I haven’t seen one second of any Harry Potter film. I haven’t read a word of J.K. Rowling’s novels. Don’t know a thing about it other than Daniel Radcliffe plays Potter, he’s a wizard and he wears circular-lensed spectacles.
I’m up very early on a Saturday morning. 6am. Some people would call me foolish. I would agree with those people.
ONE – The Philosopher’s Stone
Classic stuff – an orphan on a journey of discovery and coming-of-age.
I find it interesting that Voldemort chose to tag Harry with a lightning bolt scar. I would have gone for something more sinister. A skull and crossbones perhaps.
I’m into it. The appeal is obvious: it’s a charming family film, a classic quest. It has an old-timey quality reminiscent of those family adventure films of the 60s, like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. The influence of the Narnia novels is clear, and while it’s pleasingly very English you can feel the hand of an American director, courtesy of Chris Columbus (The Goonies, Home Alone, Mrs Doubtfire).
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US975 million (9th highest grossing movie of all time).
TWO – The Chamber of Secrets
A quick breakfast, and year two goes in the DVD. It’s a bit of a clanger. Columbus goes for bigger and busier. The effects are better, but it’s a bit silly really: snake languages, Phoenix tears, a young Voldermort trapped inside a book? Give me a break.
I have an issue with the game Quidditch. Potter’s position is Seeker – tasked with chasing the Golden Snitch. There are other players in the team that have to throw a ball through hoops. But Potter is told in Part One that if he gets the Snitch before the other team’s Seeker, “the game is over, catch this and we win”. Why is everyone else playing the ball & hoop game then? Just let the Seeker’s go at it.
However in this movie I see that Harry was actually misinformed about the rules – catching the Golden Snitch does not guarantee victory, it ends the game and is worth 150 points. Fine. But now I have a new problem – why do they have touchlines on the field when it’s played on flying broomsticks and there’s no out-of-bounds?
This story has a curious kids adventure element that I like: our heroes are taking on the mysteries of the adult world. It also strikes me that, like other epic fantasy tales (Narnia, Lord of the Rings), Rowling’s genius has been to create an entire mythology – so for the audience there is a whole new world of spells, logic and history to discover. Here I am, walking around the house twirling a pencil, saying “expelliarmus”.
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US879 million (21st highest grossing film of all time).
THREE – The Prisoner of Azkaban
Slightly alarmed at how long these movies are, it’s already lunch time. But now we’re cooking. New director Alfonso Cuaron (Children of Men) brings with him the darkest and most goulish tone to date. I find there’s a bit of Tim Burton and Peter Jackson in this one with its dutch angles, fast roaming camera and spooky score.
It again reminds me of kid detectives stories. They’ve just replaced BMXs and cranky neighbours with broomsticks and werewolves.
The series’ first truly memorable scenes are here – Sirius Black, Snape and Remus Lupin face off against Harry; Ron and Hermoine in that old, swaying house; the Lupin-as-werewolf vs Sirius-as-big-dog smackdown under a full moon sky.
The brilliant Gary Oldman classes up the joint as the titular prisoner, Sirius. It’s a bit like a Scooby Doo episode when he turns out not to be a dastardly menace, but rather an old chum of Mr and Mrs Potter, wrongfully imprisoned.
The unique, time-warping finale sees Harry summon mega-power to defeat hordes of prison guards. I see now: Harry is the Tiger Woods of sorcery, revered even by the great Dumbledore (now played by Michael Gambon). Hermoine and Ron are starting to eye each other up…
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US796 million (30th highest grossing movie of all time).
FOUR – The Goblet of Fire
Mother Mary, it’s 3pm. Every film so far is over two hours! Enjoyed the last movie but setting myself this challenge is proving to be regrettable. Back starting to hurt. Search flat for adequate lumbar support.
Part four starts with a Quidditch World Cup. Thankfully it’s short-lived, interrupted by magician terrorists. We are introduced to Mad-Eye Moody, a new teacher at Hogwarts who – again, Scooby Doo like – is ultimately revealed as a Death Eater in disguise. Not totally sure what a Death Eater is (they eat death?) but it’s quite clear it’s not a good thing.
This year Hogwarts hosts the Triwizard Tournament in which representatives from various magic schools compete in ridiculous games. I think Rowling is at her best when not involving sports.
The Tournament and the movie culminates in a maze challenge, where Harry and Edward from Twilight are somehow transported to a graveyard where Timothy Spall’s rat man (struggling to keep up with all the names) is cooking a stew that will bring Lord Voldemort back into physical form. Finally, we get a good look at the noseless evil one. I immediately like him.
Lord Voldemort and Harry duel. This involves streams of magic matter emanating from the crown of their respective wands. Harry’s powers blow my mind.
Our three leads are looking awkward in their skins. I guess they are at that age. Despite a gripping finale, the tricksy games and convenient plot twists put me off part four. More coffee and maybe some crack.
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US896 million (17th highest grossing movie of all time).
FIVE – The Order of the Phoenix
I start to reflect on how life is short and what we do with our time is important, but no rest for the wicked. Accidentally put part six DVD in and only realise 10 minutes in that I’ve missed something. This seemingly small inconvenience has me deeply distressed.
I have been sitting down all day, so I try to watch this standing up.
Haunted by the death of Edward from Twilight, Harry is just like me: in a dark, teenage anguish-y kind of mood. I like the introduction of wizard politics in this one – The Daily Prophet’s smear campaign against Harry and Dumbledore and the appointment of Ministry official Dolores Umbridge at Hogwarts.
A great addition to the cast is Helena Bonham Carter as Beatrix Lestrange – sufficiently gothic and kooky.
The gang gets their hands on a ‘prophecy’ in the form of a crystal ball. It’s relevance eludes me, but I’m going with it because the Dark Lord wants it bad. After a Mexican stand off between his minions and Harry’s gang, Lestrange kills Sirius Black. Bombshell! But what a lame way to go – fade away through some milky curtain. Harry loses another loved one.
Furious, he chases the Lestrange and attempts a Cruciatus Curse – I am thrilled to recognise the spell and applaud Harry’s choice.
Now I’m getting into the bigger story of all this. Though I’m still not really sure why Voldemort is so intent on killing Harry (there’s the prophecy from the crystal ball… but, c’mon), I’m enjoying the slow burning conflict.
This darker, more serious Potter is the most exciting so far. But frankly, I can’t go on. It’s too much and I simply refuse to proceed. I confirm my stance by saying so outloud to the TV set.
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US938 million (12th highest grossing movie of all time).
SIX – The Half-Blood Prince
Sunday morning and it’s raining, thankfully. I’m refreshed. I think that if I were a wizard I’d live with muggles and be a superhero.
With director David Yates, who directed the last one and this, I think the series is coming into its own. While the previous ones might have felt like versions of other films, the Yates films feel uniquely Potter-ish.
Curiously underplayed, I learn early that Snape works for Lord V.
I get a bit bored here with all the visions and the looking into old memories. The plot is convoluted: Harry finds an old school book belonging to a ‘Half-Blood Prince’ that has annotations filled with powerful black magic, that white haired weirdo works for Lord V and Harry roughs him up, something about Horcuxes, and Harry makes Dumbledore skull some drink for a purpose I’m unclear on.
So far there are three big gaps in my knowledge: that prophecy ball, Horcuxes and why did Dumbledore need to drink the water?
Luckily, an exciting climax rescues an otherwise muddled Half-Blood Prince. Atop a tower at Hogwarts, the white haired weirdo takes on a weakened Dumbledore – assigned to kill the professor by order of Lord V. Unable to take out the dirty laundry, Snape arrives and avada kedavra’s Dumbledore’s ass. Dumbledore dies. Great stuff.
With Dumbledore out of the picture, Harry is vulnerable and the stage is set.
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US934 million (13th highest grossing movie of all time).
SEVEN: The Deathly Hallows: Part I
All three leads step up the game in the penultimate film – Radcliffe, Watson and Grint are at their best here.
The wizardly world is on high alert, Lord Voldemort’s return is imminent and the Ministry of Magic assures people they have it covered. But the baddies are so organised they are even calling board meetings, which is great, and you never trust a politician.
Horcruxes are central to the plot here so I concentrate and start to piece it together: like the rings in Lord of the Rings, Lord V needs them to obtain immortality and great power. Also like the rings, it puts its possessor in a foul mood.
There’s an abundance of teleportation here. Not a fan of this – it makes the Hogwart Express, broomsticks and walking redundant.
This entry is dark and intriguing, but feels – because it is – half a story. Stocking filler before the present: Part II.
Worldwide Box Office Gross: $US955 million (11th highest grossing movie of all time).
I’m at the end of the marathon so what have I learnt? What’s the fuss?
While sourcery and fantasy has never been my cup of tea, I can see the appeal – especially for kids. There’s an entire new world to get involved in – learn the spells, learn the history. Plus the story is long and complex making for plenty of possible permutations, healthy for drama. Harry takes the long-proven hero’s journey – reluctance, acceptance and confrontation of his destiny. Not dissimilar to other epic dramas with equal fanbases: Star Wars and Lord of the Rings for example.
Tying everything together of course is good vs evil, Harry vs Voldemort. Each chapter has seen the pair dart and weave into each other’s paths, flashing their skills and talking big. It’s been a long road, some might say too long, but it’s all about that final showdown.
We haven’t seen it yet, but the first reviews for Deathly Hallows Part 2 are positive. The Guardian’s Peter Bradshaw: “This is such an entertaining, beguiling, charming and exciting picture. It reminded me of the thrill I felt on seeing the very first one, 10 years ago.”
Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows Part 2 opens on July 14 in 2D and 3D.
