The set-list for the 2012 Academy Awards has been revealed. After shredding the skin off our faces in angst and disgust over how many Oscar nominations Drive didn’t get, we finally made time to settle down and examine what it takes to be recognised by the board of cinematic excellence.
There are particular aspects about certain films that, according to many, increase its chances of being selected in the final 10, regardless of its actual quality. That’s not to say all films that possess any of these five values aren’t deserving of the honour (though there’ve been more than a number of questionable nominations).
So if you’re an aspiring filmmaker wanting to expose your pasty talents under the tanning light of the glistening Oscar sun, follow one of these meticulously crafted guidelines.
1. Relate It To An Historical Event
We don’t like to remember the past; we love to glorify it. Remember how you watched the RWC final by yourself? Well, with a little bit of ‘glorification’, you can turn that mundane memory into “I had a front-row seat.”
A glorified version of a past event is usually more exciting to watch than the actual event itself, even if that event is swamped in tragedy. If you pluck the right historical string, you may just hit the critics’ tone, sprouting poster quotes like “a divine portrayal of a devastating moment of history” or “a shocking social memory, visually told with grace and beauty.”
The event doesn’t even need to be the centrepiece of your story. It simply needs to be depicted (through a curved lens).
2. Make It Black And White
It takes a pretty ballsy modern-day studio to green-light a B&W film (let alone a silent one). You’d need one hell of a good art direction to justify such a move, but if you pull it off, you’re on your way to getting that Oscar nod.
The Academy Awards is a cinematic celebration of art, after all, and a B&W film nowadays is almost always associated with being artistically ostentatious (all alliterations aside). The only thing that makes a movie poster look more artsy than a parenthesis made of leaves is a distinct lack of colour.
Although, you’re allowed to use red. Once.
3. Deal With Issues Surrounding Race, Gender, Sexuality Or Any Kind Of Discrimination
We all like to do our part to further society’s moralistic fibre. OK, maybe not ALL of us do, but the Academy likes to award those films that bring discriminatory ignorance to light. It’s a pat-yourself-on-the-back type of thing, acknowledging how we live in a society where we tolerate and celebrate total freedom of personal identity.
Well, we like to pretend that’s always the case, at least.
Nevertheless, these issues are extremely important, and compellingly intriguing from a storytelling perspective. Whether it’s race, gender, sexuality, religion or physicality, discrimination’s always going to be a prevalent problem, and it’s one that the Oscars are more than willing to recognise.
4. Someone Must Die
(or be dying)
(or is handicapped)
(or gets munted in some irreversible way)
The sweet spot most dramas aim for is empathy; filmmakers want us to feel sorry for their protagonist(s). Few things get our eyes dribbling than a permanent, possibly fatal physical or mental injury. If you can tap that honey-maker, you’ve struck Oscar gold.
To make this point clearer, here’s D. A. Doran’s neat analogy for how the standard movie story arc works:
Act one, you put someone in a tree.
Act two, you throw rocks at them.
Act three, you bring them down from the tree.
Now replace “tree” with “boxing ring,” “rocks” with “footstools” and “bring them down from the tree” with “turn off the life support.” That’s an Oscar-winner right there.
5. Remind Them Of Past Oscar Winners/Nominees
Quality through association. Sometimes, that’s all you need.
An Oscar nod can sometimes be as easy as reinforcing Oscar nods of the past. Quality isn’t much of a necessity when you’ve got a nostalgic veil eclipsing your otherwise ordinary film. Other times, it’s could be seen as a pity win, a “We’re sorry we didn’t choose Goodfellas, so here’s the Best Picture award for The Departed” type of situation.
Then again, sometimes even the nostalgia factor doesn’t work…
- “I’d love to beat a dead horse right about now.”
