The next big “cinematic revolution” happens next week on June 9. You may not have heard about it, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t happening. Because it is happening. And that means soon enough it will take place in cinemas here.
You will need to brace yourself so I hope you are sitting down. Because when the revolution happens – next week on June 9 remember- you will literally need to brace yourself while sitting down.
Why? Because the current cinematic revolution of 3D is about to be ousted by the next cinematic revolution of – have you guessed yet? – motion seating. Yes.
It’s all true. When you go to the cinema you will soon see another ‘D’ to choose from. Why? Because for some unfathomable reason the motion device is called The D-Box. Not the D-Seat or D-Chair, but the D-Box. Which suggests some kind of Iron Maiden type device rather than a chair that moves around a bit. Why it wasn’t called the much more appropiate M-Seat or M-Chair I can’t tell you. But D-Box is what they went with.
So what does the D-Box actually do? Well, firstly it inflates your ticket price another couple of bucks and secondly it jiggles around in sync with the onscreen action, essentially turning the cinema into a motion master.
So you sit down in the seat and via signals embedded in the digital film you get “pitched”, “rolled” and “heaved” around. Each movement has three levels of “intensity” and if it all gets too much each D-Box (or seat) has a control knob that you can use to reduce the level of movement. It also sports a handy cup holder.
- Behold! The D-Box.
The D-Box technology has been around for over two years but cinemas have been slow in getting behind the device. Probably because it requires significant investment in “complex technology” to get it to work, bugger all films have been embedding the digital signals needed, 3D has so far failed to really take off and is already showing decline in the States and finally because maybe – and on this one I’m purely speculating – audiences most likely don’t want to sit in some honky-tonk motion seat that throws them around while they’re trying to watch a film.
Right now only 80 cinemas in the States have installed D-Boxes into their theatres but as 3D flounders – as it did with the release of Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – cinema owners will look for other ways to charge more for ticket prices. And motion-seating is the proposed way to do this. Especially as it can be, and is being, be partnered up with 3D movies.
This is going to be marketed and sold as an “ultimate immersion experience”. But boy, the ultimate immersion experience will cost you; You’ll buy your ticket, pay extra for your 3D and then pay extra for your D-Box. Current guess-timations are that opting for a D-Box will whack a whopping $8US on to the ticket price. And no, that doesn’t include 3D. So we’re not talking chump-change here.
The revolution begins n ext week when people get rolled around to Super 8, but perhaps a better fit is Fast and Furious 5 which also has the embedded signals. As does the upcoming Harry Potter film.
If you decide not to go for the D-Box option – and I really keep wanting to call it the D-Bag – you’ll still get the pleasure of enjoying other people enjoying their D-Box while you watch the flick. Why? Because whole theaters aren’t being converted, just two rows of seating are.
And to think, just a few weeks ago I thought this was as bad as cinematic annoyances got? Tuns out I was wrong.
For when the revolution arrives we can all look forward to sitting behind the guy whirring, rolling, pitching and heaving around in the seat in front of us. In which case the term D-Bag will in fact be entirely appropriate. Feel free to use it.
