It’s both great and strange being a New Zealander. We like to brag about how humble we are, we have a great self-depreciating sense of humour but are sensitive to actual criticism, and we have an uncomfortable relationship with our own accent – the “Nu Zild” accent.
When put side-by-side with other English-speaking accents around the world, we cannot bear the high-rising, vowel-skewering, verbal mush that is Nu Zild (imagine Dorian Gray listening to his own corrupted demo tape). And yet, Nu Zild somehow finds its way at the top of ‘the most attractive accents in the world’ charts, like an adorable idiot penguin stumbling into a Japanese high school.
Though we may not think highly of our idiot penguin, it’s still OUR idiot penguin, so when a foreign actor gets Nu Zild wrong, they get one of us wrong. And we’ll defend our idiot penguin from any unjustified cinematic misrepresentation.
But will we ever be satisfied with a foreigner’s portrayal of Nu Zild? Maybe not.
For one, if someone doesn’t get Nu Zild juuuuuuuust right throughout the entire feature, they risk sounding either Australian or South African (see: Ben Kingsley as a space Māori). Yet, if someone were to hit the linguistic sweet spot, the shock of “oh dear God, is THAT what we sound like?” will send us flying into denial with a sucker punch to our ears.
That is to say, a person trying to look like an idiot penguin can never NOT look like an idiot. Thus, any actor who isn’t a New Zealander or Anthony Hopkins is lining up for our ridicule when attempting Nu Zild.
Everest placed three major stars onto the Nu Zild podium. Leading the trio is Jason Clarke as Rob Hall – given his Australian-ness, his voice was already halfway there. Then there’s English screen immortal Emily Watson as Helen Wilton – she spread the Nu Zild thicker than fudge butter, which makes her a good target. The performer most at-risk of our harsh judgement is Keira Knightley – she simply cannot shake the undying scorn from people who don’t like her “because I don’t know, it’s just something about her face.”
The film came out last week, and some Kiwi critics have chimed in on the accents. Russell Baillie from the NZ Herald gave a subtle dig:
“The New Zealand accents of some – like Emily Watson as Hall’s Base Camp boss Helen Wilton – will have us thinking: “Is that what we sound like to the rest of the world?” (Answer: Yes, we do. Let’s be thankful there are no subtitles.)”
TVNZ’s movie reviewer Darren Bevan went for a full body slam, saying the film included “some terrible attempts at the New Zealand accent – largely from Emily Watson, who channels South African in parts and seems to be challenging Ben Kingsley’s attempts in Ender’s Game.”
Looks pretty bad so far, but Stuff reviewer Graham Tuckett expressed an opposing opinion, championing Watson for being “reliably terrific” while giving Knightley a pat on the back.
Meanwhile, TV3’s Kate Rodger didn’t feel the need to mention the Kiwi accents in her Everest review and neither did Flicks’ own Steve Newall. You know who else didn’t? The rest of the world – including Total Film, The Guardian, Time Out London, Variety and Telegraph.
Perhaps we should all follow suit and not be so defensive about our idiot penguin. If the rest of the world recognises the actors’ accents as Nu Zild, then is there really a problem? Everything should be hunky dory, right?
Well, it would be, except The Hollywood Reporter still couldn’t tell the difference between Nu Zild and ‘Stralia, referring to Rob and Helen as “engaging, friendly Aussies.”
Uh oh.
Perhaps we ARE the only ones who can strike a clear judgment on Nu Zild, thus making us the perfect critics of how our accents are portrayed on screen.
In which case, who do we blame here? Do we blame The Hollywood Reporter for not being able to differentiate the Nu Zild accent from the extremely similar ‘Stralian accent? Or do we blame the stars of Everest for not doing Nu Zild complete and utter justice?
Or should we blame ourselves for making our adorable idiot penguin seem more unique and complex than it actually is?
I don’t have a solid answer – I’ve been trying to do the Kiwi accent all my life and I still can’t do it – but I know I can tell the difference between Nu Zild and ‘Stralia – even if they are both stupid birds.
